


Stubborn

by CarolPeletier



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolPeletier/pseuds/CarolPeletier
Summary: Daryl and Carol have a heart-to-heart after the events of 10x16.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	Stubborn

Disclaimer: I own nothing from The Walking Dead. All characters belong to the creators of the television series and graphic novels.

Stubborn

Daryl woke to the rumble of thunder rattling the old windowpanes. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and groaned. A soft scrape of nails against wood, accompanied by a little whine, alerted Daryl that Dog was ready to go outside.

“A’right. M’comin’,” Daryl grunted, throwing off his blanket and tossing a black t-shirt on to match his sweat pants. He squinted into the bright light filtering in through the curtains. Judging from the way the light was coming in, it was sometime after seven thirty. He’d slept in for the sixth time that week. And he’d probably round out the week come morning.

He could smell fresh coffee, and that was more than enough to get his feet moving. 

He opened the door, and Dog shot up the steps like his tail was on fire. Daryl tugged on his boots and ran a hand through his hair, giving himself a brief passing glance in the mirror before stepping up into the hall. He could hear the kitchen door creak open and close gently to let Dog out to do his business.

Other than that, the house was quiet. It was always quiet on school mornings. Lydia always had Judith and RJ up and out of the house just after sunrise. It was Friday, Daryl remembered, which meant he had not a damn thing to do all day. Tomorrow, he was taking a small group of Oceanside originals out for a hunt. And then he’d come home and sit around, maybe read a book. 

He wasn’t used to having a lot of time on his hands. In the two months since they took out the Whisperers, he’d tried to make himself busy by hunting and bringing meat and skins back to Alexandria. He hated standing still and doing nothing, so he often found some odd job or another to help out with to take his mind off the fact that there were no pressing emergencies he needed to handle. No strategies needing mulled over. No borders needing skirted around. Hell, in the past two weeks, only half a dozen walkers had made their way to the gates of Alexandria. Daryl reckoned most of them went over that very same cliff he almost lost Carol on. Alpha and the Whisperers had wrangled most of the walkers into their hoard, so it was no surprise that things were quiet.

He wasn’t unhappy about the quiet, but he was frustrated. The longer peace wore on, the more Daryl lay awake at night letting his mind wander to better thoughts that still managed to make his heart race and his stomach knot up. He thought about _her._ And he’d dream of her. And he’d wake up in the morning, and he’d see her in the kitchen, and she’d smile at him like she used to at the prison. God, he’d missed that smile. Little by little, she smiled more, she laughed more, and he’d even caught her making silly voices when she’d read a bedtime story to RJ the other night.

Things were better, for the most part. With Maggie back and now working to rebuild Hilltop, Alexandria was even more quiet lately with several of their citizens helping to rebuild the other community. Now Ezekiel, Eugene and Magna were off on another journey to the Commonwealth, building alliances and discussing founding new settlements all the way from Virginia to Ohio in hopes of getting a chain of trade started. 

A year ago, Daryl would have been all for going on that trek, but lately, his mind was focused on staying close to home and staying close to her. He’d come too damn close to losing the most important person in the world to him, and his heart still felt heavy when she looked at him sometimes. She looked at him like she was still seeking forgiveness. There was nothing to forgive as far as he was concerned. There had been hurt between them, yes, and she’d been reckless. The most painful thing in the world had been watching the person he loved most in the world be so careless with her own life.

And it was love. He’d known it a long time now, spent many restless hours mulling it over in his head when he should’ve been sleeping. He couldn’t pinpoint a moment it became love for him. It was gradual, and he supposed he’d fallen in love with her over and over again over the years, keeping that secret closely guarded beneath the scars on his chest. He’d stayed away when she married Ezekiel. He stayed away and hid his feelings, and the longer he stayed away, the better he got of hiding those feelings, and he found himself patting himself on the back for what he thought was an act better than the one Ezekiel put on for his Kingdom. Giving her his blessing on her marriage to Ezekiel had been one of the most excruciating moments of his life. But she deserved happiness, and if Ezekiel could give her even a modicum of happiness, it was worth it to see her smile, right? 

But that was over, too, he was certain. The ring was gone. And Carol no longer avoided Ezekiel. When he’d come back with the Commonwealth representatives, he’d sought her out to tell her how they were attempting to treat his cancer. They’d shared a hug and a few quiet words, and that had been it. Carol had come walking back toward him with a sense of peace on her face, as if she’d closed the chapter of one more piece of her past that needed dealt with. 

And lately? She had been happy. It wasn’t just the silly story voices for RJ or the smiles. It was the quiet nights after the kids went to sleep when she’d talk aloud about New Mexico and getting on that bike with him again. They talked about it a lot, but it never went much past a voiced hope. Just a _someday_. A _maybe_. A _when we get shit settled_. 

When Daryl stepped into the kitchen, he saw her standing at the counter by the stove with her back to him. Her long hair was pulled back and up, and she was dressed for a mission. Her boots were tightly laced, her jeans garnished with a belt that held her knife and a small pistol, and her jean jacket pockets were puffed out with what he imagined was twine or baggies filled with granola or nuts. 

She slung her pack over her shoulder to complete the ensemble, and when Daryl cleared his throat, she turned in surprise. How she hadn’t heard him coming, he would never know.

“Daryl,” she murmured, tugging on the strap of her pack to hoist it further up her shoulder. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Yeah, I see that.” His voice was gruff and gravely from sleep, and he saw uncertainty and remorse cloud her eyes. “Where you goin’?” 

“Thought I’d scout the perimeter around the cave again,” she said quietly, careful not to bring up names. She hadn’t said Connie’s name in months, yet it was always on the tip of her tongue, always in the room around them. Every time, she looked at him as if she wasn’t certain how he’d react. She’d created this idea of him and Connie in her head, and he had not a goddamn clue why. She’d never tried to play matchmaker for him before. Even at the prison, when a few of the Decatur women had made advances at him right in front of Carol, she hadn’t encouraged him to pursue anything. Not that he would have. Even back then, the only woman on his mind had been her. Even then, he couldn’t quite understand the emotions and the feelings that kept him awake, kept his skin warm and tingling every time he looked at her. It had taken him a long time to get honest with himself. Too long. Years. And then he’d lost her, and he’d tried to be a good friend. He’d been patient, but he’d been guarded, and he’d passed the time out in the woods, using Rick’s memory to hide the real reason he didn’t’ come around.

Thunder shook the windowpanes again.

“S’gonna rain.”

“No, the clouds are moving fast. It’ll blow over.” Daryl moved to the sink and peered out the window. She was right. Of course she was right.

“Want some company?” She looked at him with a tight, pained smile. _Déjà vu_.

“Someone should be here when the kids get home.”

“Lydia can look after ‘em,” Daryl shrugged. “She ain’t burnt the house down yet with her cookin’. She’s learnin’ a lot from you.” Carol’s smile relaxed a little, brightened her face. “’Sides, it’s been a while since it was just us out there.” Carol’s breath hitched in her chest, as if the realization that him going with her meant they’d be alone out there together. 

“Of course,” she finally agreed. “Of course. Two people searching is better than one. Meet me at the gates in ten minutes?”

“What’re you lookin’ for, Carol?” Her breath hitched again, and she chanced a look in his eyes. 

“Don’t ask me that. You know what I’m looking for.” She flinched at her own words. “We never found a body. Magna got out. Maybe she—”

“We looked everywhere. She got out. We know that. Found her notepad a half mile from the cave. If she got out, she’s someplace else.”

“She wouldn’t leave her sister,” Carol insisted. 

“Or she went over that cliff with the rest of the walkers.” Carol let out a shaking breath and shook her head. Daryl took a step toward her. “Hey. That wasn’t on you. Alright? I told ya before. I’m the one that sent them in that cave to get you.”

“It was _my_ fault everybody got trapped. If I’d waited…if I hadn’t let her bait me…”

“She killed your boy. Ain’t _nobody_ blames you. Least not now.” Carol’s eyes brimmed with tears, but not one fell. She clenched her jaw and turned her head away. “You wanna blame yourself. I know. You think I don’t see Glenn’s face and remember that _I_ got him killed?”

“You didn’t,” Carol sniffled. “That’s not on you.”

“Neither is Connie.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because…”

“Because?” Daryl asked. Carol huffed and ran a hand over her face.

“Because you…” She shook her head and looked him in the eye again. “Because if I hadn’t gone in that cave, we never would have gotten trapped. If I hadn’t been so hell-bent on killing Alpha…”

“If I hadn’t been so hell bent on beatin’ the piss outta Negan after he killed Abraham, Glenn would still be here.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, well, I guess we don’t know what woulda happened if we’d both done things different. What I do know is we’ve lost a lotta people along the way, folks we maybe even could’ve saved if things went different. Jesus, Carol, after everything you lost, ya had to grieve. You ain’t the first person this world tried to break. Won’t be the last. If it was me? If somethin’ ever happened to you, I don’t know what I’d…” He frozen when Carol’s eyes searched his. _Shit_. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is this, you pulled through. ] Everybody else that was in that cave understands. Kelly understands. And we never woulda been in that cave in the first place if it wasn’t for Alpha. That blood’s on her hands. And she’s gone. It’s over. We gotta move on.” Carol nodded then, sniffling, and she cleared her throat.

“I’m gonna stop and pick up some bread and jerky. I’ll meet you at the gate in ten minutes. Maybe we’ll try another mile out, see what we see.” She stepped around him then, and Daryl took a deep breath. She was stubborn. He loved that about her. But this stubbornness was getting her nowhere. He knew Connie was gone. Either she was dead or someplace else. Either way, it was awful. He knew it was easy to tell someone not to blame themselves. Even after talking it out with Maggie, Daryl still felt guilt every day for what happened to Glenn. He supposed Carol was always going to carry that around. He supposed it was just another thing she was going to have to work through. But this time, he decided, he would be stubborn too. He wasn’t going to let her go through it alone.


End file.
